Have you ever met someone and had literally nothing to say. It’s not because they sucked, or that you didn’t have a single thing in common, but you just simply could not muster up a damn thing to talk to them about.
As you’re staring at them trying to make some semblance of english and chatter, all you can think about is how much of a total dud you’re being. How you have literally nothing to bring to the table during this conversation. How they must think how terribly boring and lame you are.
You’re not being witty. Or interesting. Or fun. You’re being boring. Totally boring. And you don’t know why.
Even those of us with big, outgoing personalities go through this. Trust me. I’ve been right there with you. And it’s super weird when it happens because it’s like a) what happened to my personality? and b) this shouldn’t be this difficult.
Normally I could talk to a brick wall and make them feel welcomed and comfortable, but I’ve had these moments. I’ve had moments where I’m grabbing a drink with two people who are interesting, entertaining, funny and full of life, and I sit there and think to myself “I have NOTHING to bring to this right now. They must think I’m so insanely lame.”
So how do we minimize the frequency of these total dud moments?
First, quit worrying what you have to bring to the table. When we become completely boring in a conversation or among a group it’s normally because we are so deep in our heads. We’re worried about what they’re thinking. We’re analyzing ourself. We’re berating ourself up, almost like we’re watching us from the outside and yelling down saying YOU SUCK. How could anyone be awesome when your inner voice is doing that?
The best way to turn down that voice is by turning up the one of whomever you’re talking to. Actually listen to them. Fully, beautifully engage with them. People don’t care about what it is you say, they care about how you make them feel. And the best way to not only make them feel amazing but also to come up with really juicy interesting things to talk about is to seriously listen to what they’re saying. And by doing that, you’ll hear what they’re not saying. That’s where the magic of understanding happens. That’s where you engage in really meaningful, interesting conversation.