Maxie McCoy

7 Common Blunders Totally Robbing You of Joy

Not too long ago, I asked a group around me – what is the one thing every single person wants out of life?

H A P P I N E S S.

They responded in unison. To the point I almost wondered if it was silly that I asked that.

Happiness.

I probably would have answered with love.

But regardless….Joy. Love. Fulfillment. Happiness. I think they’re all completely intertwined and we place different levels of importance on each. Depending on who you are, one might come before another. But regardless. Happiness. Happinesssssss. The bubbling of holy joyful. The heart-wide-open I’m here type happiness.

Like me, you’ve probably made some pretty massive, joy-busting mistakes when it comes to really figuring out how to stay above the line with being jazzed up about life. Because the mistakes happen so easily and so unconsciously that you don’t even realize they’re happening.

When I evaluate when and where I’ve felt the most down for seemingly no reason, I can pinpoint it to a couple common blunders:

Comparing yourself to someone else…

WE KNOW IT’S A THIEF BUT WE STILL DO IT. We still look at someone else with longing. For what they have. For what they look like. For their love. For their life. But holy shit do we not know the half of it. Everyone, everyone has their deep battles. The material ones, the tragedy, the energy, the internal. There’s no point in comparing. It takes the energy that should be used to focus on loving yourself, and turns it into a twisted mirror of I’m not good enough. But you are. The more you compare the farther you get away from that.

Ignoring the little things…

Like the beauty of the flower that just fell at your feet. The #universe run-in that you had with someone you just thought about. The special way the setting sun twinkled off the building on your walk home from work. Here’s a whole host of little things that make you instantly more happy. More human. But when you forget them, you take a few steps away from your own joy. Wake up with a sense of awe. Go to bed with a sense of wonder. And cultivate intense curiosity for all the moments in-between.

Deprioritizing yourself…

Guilty. Thank goodness for my mid-summer wake up call. I was on the struggle bus of frustration and then finally realized ohhhhh. I keep saying yes to everyone else’s stuff. And in the mean time I keep putting myself in the back seat. I’m not taking care of the the things that keep me sane, grounded and able to access myself. What I didn’t realize is that when we say no, often we’re saying no to things that we genuinely want to do. But that becomes precisely the work.

Prioritize yourself first by saying NO even when you want to be a part someone’s YES.

Going too long without a meaningful connection…

Meaningful connection means getting with someone who sees you. Really sees you. Gets what you’re trying to do in this life. In this day. Hugging them. Communing with them. Face timing them. Eye contact. Conversation. It’s the love the supports the joy. Even when you’re feeling in a funk and just want to retreat to your dark bedroom with a book and hot tea. Do that. And then get up and have breakfast with someone who’s meaningful to you.

Being careless with gratitude…

Ya ya you said thanks. But did you feel the thank you. Did you genuinely feel the tickle of luckiness to the bottom of your toes. To be alive. To be breathing. To have a family you adore. A person you love. A job that supports you. A coffee that rocked you. Breath in your lungs. Did you dive into that gratitude and actually say thank you. To the Universe. To another human. To yourself. Or did you mumble a thanks, drop your gaze, or worse…not even take the time?

Believing more options are better…

I learned first hand this year what the tyranny of choice can do to the human psyche – confuse it to the brink of breakdown. Too much choice, contrary to what we’d probably all think, scientifically makes us more unhappy. Trying to figure out where I wanted to live when I could live anywhere took up a massive amount of my energy for months. I had a tick in my eye and knot of discomfort in my belly. What made the most sense? Am I crazy? Where do I want to be? Obviously, I figured it out. But options drove me nuts, consumed me, and squashed my joy. So don’t go looking for options and bountiful opportunity. Look for alignment. Look for possibilities that matter to your soul. And choose from there.

Thinking that 3rd piece of cake is only about the calories…

Man oh man, lesson learned: the way you feed your body is the way you feed your soul. So many times we look at nutrition and directly correlate it to our physical body, our vanity – will this make me fat? will this make me bloated? Is this too many calories? And while nutrition is always a consideration. Nutrition seen through the lens of the way it affects our mood, our spirit, and our clarity is even more important. Is the 3rd piece of cake healthy? Negative. But even worse is the way it clouds the clarity of your soul.

Joy blunders happen easily. They happen in small moments. Which means they can be corrected with the same ease that they were created

 


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