Maxie McCoy

Rabbit holes to avoid when you’re bummed out

Disappointment. It’s a heavy sinker that can weigh your whole day down. Your week if you let it.

The top of your cheeks hurt. You kind want to cry but don’t feel like its “that deep.” It’d be a waste of tears. It’s not like you were that invested. It’s not like it’s totally altering the quality of your life. It wasn’t a game changer. There’s so many good things in your life. Still stings though. Ugh. You wanna be grateful for all that’s fine, but you’re bummed at the same.

You had hoped. Let yourself get a little excited. Had some expectations. Andddddd fail.

Disappointments big and small happen all the time. Frequently. They happen in the big, my bubble was so just bursted, kind of ways. And they happen quickly, little flickers of ugh.

When he was supposed to meet you for coffee. And didn’t.

When they said they’d call you back for that last round of interviews. And then hired someone else.

When you got excited about the girls night you all talked about. And then everyone flaked.

When you thought that thing you created would be a big deal. And crickets.

When you got jazzed up about the holiday with the family, and they totally pulled out the drama card before ham was even on the table. And blew it for everyone.

When you were supposed to get on the flight for the big trip. And it’s cancelled.

When you literally counted down until the very minute that album released. And it was less than velvet on your ears.

And when it happens. You dip. It’s a gentle slope that you didn’t even realize was happening until you turn around and realize you’ve got quite the trek back up—back to equal. back to OK. back to fine. back to the place where it really isn’t that deep. But the hole you just got yourself into feels like it’s deeper than the bottom floor. And you’re drowning down there.

Disappointment can toss you down some serious rabbit holes. And each time they look very similar. Pay attention, because disappointment big and small doesn’t have to throw you into a dark maze without a flashlight.

The hole titled “I suck”

You’ll wonder if it was you. Were you not smart enough? Did you say something stupid? Maybe it’s because you’re fat. Or too loud. Or too quiet. Not enough experience? Not smart enough. Maybe you should have spent longer on it. Total phuck up. Never can get it right. Not enough.

It’s ugly and even the most aware person can go down this hole. Confident people go down this hole. Mentally strong people will wake up here in and instant. Our little minds try and take us down here quickly and it’s not a pretty place. All that bullshit above? None of it’s true. Let me repeat: none of it is true.

The way out: As soon as you notice your mind dragging down this way, literally say out loud: CUT IT OUT. Take a deep breath.

That hole of “They’re Wrong”

When you’re bummed out it’s typical to want to find solace in the people who will agree with you. You’ll want so badly to make the other person wrong. Blame them for how you’re feeling instead of owning your emotion. Trust me, I’m writing this off of the disappointment of a smoke show of a man bailing on me. I so want to make him wrong. But the reality is it just doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if the candidate they picked didn’t have half your experience. It doesn’t matter if the woman he married isn’t half the woman you are. It doesn’t matter if your kid totally disrespected you. It does, but people phuck up and you don’t have to make them wrong through blame in the midst of your own disappointment. Making someone wrong won’t make you any less bummed.

The way out: When you have the impulse to tell everyone what just happened. And what “they did.” Pause. I’m not saying not to call your gal pal. But start with how you’re feeling (bummed the hell out) instead of what they did (totally bailed, totally sucks). Keep the conversation on you. Not them.

And the hole “Who do I think I am”

Who did I think I was to feel worthy of making that much money? Or talented enough to land that gig? Or cool enough for this to actually come through? Or hot enough for them? Or lucky enough for it all to work out? Who did I think was.

It’ll come sucker punching you. You’ll punch your mouth with your own fist if you’re not careful. It’s a rabbit hole of unworthiness. Newsflash babe. You deserved it all. But this one was passing by so something way better could fall into place. It’s the cliché I believe with everything in my bones.

The way out: Stand in that mirror. Smile. Make eye contact with yourself. And say something nice out loud. It’ll feel weird. And you might get emotional. But that beautiful soul inside is waiting for you to be nice. It’s waiting for you to love you. Regardless of the circumstances, don’t let being bummed turn into self-hatred.

We all get bummed. We all get tempted by the rabbit holes. We all slinker down them. But as soon as you notice what you just got yourself into it. Abort. You don’t need to add gasoline to the fire. Let it burn out on it’s own. I promise it will.

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