How many times have you heard, “Everything comes down to loving yourself.”
Trust. I’ve said it as much as I’ve heard it. Love yourself and you won’t care if you’re single. Love yourself and you’ll be more confident. Love yourself and you won’t be as susceptible to rejection. Love yourself or else no one else will. Love yourself and you’ll trust yourself.
You should go and love yourself. They say. As does Justin Bieber, who we all know is the king of self help (sikeeeee). But he’s right. And so is everyone else. You should go and love yourself. The problem is HOW!? Where the hell do you begin? What does loving yourself even mean? You know it matters, but you may not know the path to getting there. Luckily, from personal experience, I do.
Here’s what loving yourself feels like, in case you were wondering: It feels like utter trust. expression. confidence. momentum. safety. kindness. It feels gentle and protective. It feels like joy. And it feels like home. In your body. In your personality. In your thoughts. In your actions. It’s a deep and rooted sense of self. And a true, unwavering love for exactly who you are, exactly where you are.
It doesn’t mean you don’t get disappointed. It doesn’t mean that you’re suddenly immune to rejection or heartbreak. It doesn’t mean you don’t get scared. Or question. Or doubt. That’s a lie. None of that disappears once you find out what it means to love you.
I found self love in Bali. Because of an epic healer named Jim. Because of surfing. Because of the universe. Because I worked on it. Because I searched for it. Because I was willing to look at my fear and shit and heartbreak and failure directly in the eyes, ugly and all, and choose love anyway. Because of solitude, I finally had time to know what self love meant. And everything changed, in the way life felt. Yet nothing changed, because all its hardships were still there. I just changed the way I told my life’s story
Instead of getting rejected and deciding “I suck…” self love allowed me to get rejected and instead decide or think “that sucks.” Setback was no longer about me or my worth and qualification.
Every single one of our souls has the ability to find true self love. Many of you already have. It’s not a guarantee, unless you’re willing to try.
1.Know your talents. And ignite them.
We all have strengths and weaknesses. But we don’t all take the time to know and understand them. Don’t go another day without sitting down to figure out yours. What energizes you? What’s your proudest accomplishment? The answers will be key indicators into what talents are driving you. Talents are the things you can’t help but do. If you don’t know yours, this is one of my favorite tools. And of course, Now Discover Your Strengths is an old faithful. Once you figure out what they are, try designing your life, work, and time to be using your talents more than you’re not.
2. Create rituals.
Success. Happiness. Self love. It’s all an inside job.No award will help you love yourself. No perfect partner. No amazing job. No body size. No killer heels. No amount of Instagram followers. None of it can help you love yourself. It’s the inside out. And the thing that helps the inside is a religious sense of self care. Particularly rituals that punctuate your day with a little love. It could be a warm cup of tea without your phone every morning or writing in your gratitude journal every evening. Take twenty minutes everyday for a ritual that gives you space to hear your own thoughts and feel your own heart.
3. Set Boundaries.
The opposite of self love? Doing everything for everyone else. When you can learn how to set boundaries, you’re on the path to loveeeeee. Saying no is never easy. Turning things down is never fun. But it’s exactly what it means to respect your own time, energy, and presence. Every time you uphold a boundary rather than pleasing someone, you’ll add a drop in the bucket of self love.
4. Monitor your mindset.
Your thoughts create your reality. Are yours ones of love? Likely not. Because man do we say some messed up shit to ourselves. Tune into those thoughts. Start paying attention. Like really paying attention. And maybe even talk back. Anytime my brain starts wandering to a place of BS self hate I’ll literally say out loud “cut it out!!” It checks my wandering mind. But you’ll never realize it’s wandering unless you first start paying attention to what you’re thoughts are even about.
5. Love your temple.
Your body. That beautiful beating vessel. Treat it well. Make it sweat. Give it a bath. Rub it in lotion, slowly. Pleasure it. Feed it green. Respect it. Move it. Hug it. Your physical body is as much an expression of love as your energy and your heart. Make sure to take care of it. Love on the outside equals love on the inside.
The next time you hear “love yourself,” come back to this. Self love isn’t perfection. It’s simply a journey of knowing you’re worthy.And when you believe that, it will quite perfectly change everything.