You know those people that leave a job they’re miserable in and immediately jump into the very first opportunity that comes up?
Or the people that NEVER make the jump and work and work and work despite their misery?
You know that galpal who ditches one disastrous relationship only to dive headfirst into a new love the very next week?
Or the bestie who just won’t leave the bad relationship because maybe this really is the best there is?
Ya, you know that person. Maybe that person is you. Or has been you.
If you’ve ever wondered why we immediately say yes to the very next thing, listen up. It’s different every time but probably hits one of the following:
- They don’t know their identity outside a job or relationship (the anchors people typically use to define themselves).
- They don’t have the confidence in themselves to wait for what’s better.
- They’d rather something than nothing. They feel safer that way.
- And ultimately because they are scared shitless to sit in the space between what is no longer and what is not yet.
As someone who has forced myself to sit in that space a lot the past year or so, it is scary…to let things go without knowing exactly what you’re letting in. From money to men to opportunities to relationships, trusting it’s going to work out without know how it will is crippling sometimes. When I made my biggest career decision last year to forgo a regular paycheck, benefits, security… I most certainly came up with a million reasons it wasn’t logical. My mind and fear ran wild…I told myself I was crazy. That it would never work out. That I should create a backup plan just in case. My eye was twitching. My emotion was on high. And I almost didn’t do it about a thousand times. But I kept returning to how I felt at the idea of letting it all go to pursue this business with 100 percent of my heart. It was freedom. Relief. Excitement. And certainty that it just felt right.
Within a few weeks of pushing past the fear of ending up on my face and of deciding to go all in for myself (and no I can’t make this shit up) I was sought out for a deal that made me more money in a single month than I had ever made before. Because, that’s how dreams and life and the universe works. You gotta let go of the handfuls of pennies in order to pick up the diamonds.
But the very worst mistake you can make is not giving life the chance to show you by hanging on to old shit or by rushing into something else.
The pattern is always the same: You’re unwilling to sit between no longer and not yet, so you instead you just say yes. You rush to be liked. You’re OK with being wanted without knowing if it’s what you want. You rush towards certainty. And more certainty.
But the Gap. Space. Pause. The place where you’re not sure. The place where anything could happen…is actually the greatest stage of all: it’s possibility. Wild and wonderful possibility. The possibility for your greatest dreams and your ultimate path to reveal itself to you. The space for genius. For breakthrough. For a struggle that will lead you to a giant YES instead of a mediocre maybe.
The big life…one that changes your life and others…is anything but normal and everything other than average. It’s cultivated in that truly uncomfortable space of finally letting go of things without rushing to grab something else.