I laid in the park yesterday in a little bit of a tizzy. Things had gone a bit off of the course I had planned them to go on. There was a change. Maybe it was in the process or maybe it was in me. But a thing I’d said I wanted, and parts of it that I really did like and wanted to pursue, were feeling just different. And it wasn’t cutting it anymore. I’d been a little worried if I was the one not cutting it. Maybe it was me? Or things I was doing? Hmmmm. Oh, the overthinking that possessed my entire psyche for a solid few days before that park moment.
How did I end up here? I wondered. Oh man, don’t we all. Those six words that string together the ultimate question of wonder, doubt, and WTF. Seriously though, how did I get from such a place of momentum to a tizzy plaguing me?
It’s one of my favorite moments. One of my fave questions. That how did I end up here one. Because it calls us into thinking about a layer below the surface of reality. It beckons an answer, often a tough one.
You have two options when that happens. Especially when it happens during a funk, mood, or bummed out state. You get to play the victim and ask why this is happening to you. OR you get to think through what about your actions, thoughts, and patterns have created this reality.
The latter is powerful. The exploring your role in how you got there and what comes next. Because you have a choice. YOU get to decide your value. You get to decide what you deserve. You get to choose what kind of life you settle for. You have full agency in how you gain respect. You’re the only limit on your own possibility. Full stop.
Rewind back to laying in the park, in a bit of a tizzy. The sun is shining. The caffeine is pumping. There’s a light wind blowing my favorite eucalyptus scented air. I’m in the SF neighborhood that feels like home when one of the goddesses calls. She knows from my texts (and let’s be real, my Instagram) that I’m feelin’ it. I’m in it. And it’s likely I need to talk it out. She’s right. She hears me out. And let’s me know that it’s all good and well that I’m trying to figure out how to navigate the situation and sort out where things went off course. But ultimately none of that matters. “Maxie, this all comes down to what YOU want. What YOU need. What’s YOUR heart is asking for. The rest doesn’t matter.”
What was my heart asking for. So laid with my favorite song playing. My hand on my heart. And it all became so clear….
There’s no one else that gets to determine what you allow into your life other than you. You always have a choice for how high your bar is. So, take responsibility for your own greatness and aim really effing high.
Your value (of yourself) is literally all that matters. It’s the one thing that no one gets to decide for you, ever.
Not ever. No matter how they talk to you. No matter how they pay you. No matter what they think of you. No matter if you’re hired. No matter if you’re fired. If you’re dumped or have a line of suitors. Whether the trolls think you’re ugly and dumb. Or the drunk dude squeezed your ass in a bar. If they think you’re writing is shitty. Or if they all left you out of the big plans. If he thinks you’re too much. If your family is shunning you for forgetting where you came from. If you got the 17th rejection letter.
So when you do decide your value is higher than the Himalayans (because it is)…It will change everything. You’ll feel so empowered to have all the conversations you need to have. You won’t second-guess asking for more money or flexibility. You won’t think twice about telling him that his lack of communication isn’t good enough for you no matter how much you like him. You won’t wince at speaking your opinion. You’ll be OK with people knowing you’re concerned. Asking for different terms. Or telling someone what you need. Because you value you. You know what you need. You honor what your heart is asking for. When you’ve determined what’s good enough for you, settling won’t be on the table. Ever.