Sometimes “being right” comes with a cost. Especially if it’s a way of life—making sure to prove your point is the correct view, stance, or opinion on the matter. The cost isn’t always worth it, either. You might seem like a total dick. People might write you off. Some might dismiss confronting conversations with you because they know it’ll be your way or the highway.

Writing from previous experience here. I’m self-aware enough to know I’m not always right. Far from it. But there are particular hot buttons that I will fight someone tooth and nail on, and get myself reallll worked up in the process. Because I just don’t understand how the other person could possibly not see the truth. Or the oh so clear (to me) correct side of the issue. As you can imagine this year and the current state of the county, it’s easy to take a gander at what exactly I mean.

After some heated exchanges with a human I love dearly, I was whacked out. We’re talking crying, mad, worked up, hair on fire, pissed. How could they not see it? How could they not understand? This was humanity, equality, rights… WTF. What in the actual f*ck. I was not seeing clearly because I thought I was right, very very right.

And while now I can see so clearly, my need to be right had a cost. In this situation is cost me some tears, a few days of being worked up, and bad energy toward people I love. Had I not let it go, the cost could have been much worse.

I eventually realized a few truths:

We learn the most from people we have the least in common with.

This one was fired to me during dinner with one of the bests. And a big hallelujah erupted from within. This is where we learn. In our disagreements and in our conflicts, if we stay open and curious, we’ll leave with wayyyy more insight than with which we came. Both about someone else and about our own thoughts, triggers, and experiences. Disagreements have a way of oh so beautifully revealing all of these things… provided we don’t become preoccupied with rightness.

If you’re going to claim being “open-minded” you’ve gotta release the need to be right.

Everyone develops their viewpoints from their own path. Our opinions are deeply personal and wildly unique because of the life we’ve lived. For us to claim to be super open-minded to ways of life and ways of living and bodies of thought…that has to include all of them. Not just the ones we deem right or agreeable. Who determines right anyway?

Aim to be good rather than to be right.

It’s hard when you know that some things feeeeeel right on a big, worldly level. But in fact, it’s not right it’s just love. When it comes to many of the issues that get us so heated, making the case for right isn’t as powerful as being an example for good. Show the world what it is to be a powerfully loving, good human and to use your energy making space and clearing the way for all others to experience the same. Be good so others can see what it means. Be kind because that’s what this world needs. Fierce love, not righteousness.