There’s nothing more painful than truth left unsaid. Closure gets forsaken to avoid the honest, the rawness, and the depth of our truth. We hold our tongues and stifle our desires. For a million different reason we let things go unsaid.
The biggest regrets come from that which you didn’t say, always. And it’s not always about baring your soul; more times than not it’s about standing up for yourself. All the moments we don’t anchor ourselves in what we deserve, every time we ignore the fire of our fight, every stifled chance to speak, it all leads us to one place– to the back door of our heart wide open because truth, our truth, still lingers within us.
I’ve left those doors open a few times. They stayed open for years only to be dealt with later with the help of people who read the pain and from moments that forced me to slam the doors shut in a fury. It’s happened in work stuff, love stuff, friendship stuff… sometimes we slide into endings without realizing how we got there and wondering why it doesn’t feel over.
Closure doesn’t come from endings. It comes from our feelings about the end. Chapters of our lives can be so over, but that doesn’t mean we feel that way. I’ve stood sobbing in a bread aisle, my heart dripping out of my chest with every tear years after the fact. But it was the final wave of emotion I needed to grieve all the things that had changed and recognize all the feelings that I allowed to linger. Once you have faced those feelings and honored every last one of them, you can see the end for what is.
Closure is in the letting go, which can be as physical as it is emotional. Words have immense power. Spoken words, written words, and simple thoughts. Words left unsaid hold an unimaginable weight that robs us of our power. Recently, I got a note from a young woman who had been hurt by someone and she had a lot to say about how that felt, but wasn’t sure if she should. We can choke ourselves with our words or we can let them fly. I told her about the time I sat in the gardens of Bath with blank paper and a couple envelopes. Two letters were written from years of holding onto shit I hadn’t said, but situations that had been long over. My hand was limp with exhaustion by the time I dropped those two unstamped letters in the mailbox, knowing they’d never make it to the people for whom they were intended. But letting go of the truths, the feelings, the hurt, the expectations, the mistakes on the lines of that page gave me all the closure that the ending never could.
Whether you’re angry or sad, years beyond it or still in it’s thick, know that closure doesn’t always happen the way that you think. Feel your feelings and speak your truth. Because whether there’s anyone on the other end of it or not… your future self is and she wants you to close these doors so you can go flying through the windows on your broom of goodness and glory.