I laid on the couch, looking at nothing and thinking about everything—mainly everything that I maybe shouldn’t have done. Maybe I made a bad decision. Maybe I shouldn’t have said it like that. Maybe I should have handled myself differently. Maybe I acted out of line. Maybe maybe maybe.
The doubt was intense. It was heavy. And it felt like mine. But it wasn’t, really. Because I was happy about my decision to handle myself the way I did regardless of the outcome. I stood by it. The doubt I was feeling, however, was from judgements that weren’t actually mine. They were the collective judgements from society that tells us to be a certain way.
Those judgements are the ones that the same society benefits from, majorly. If they can get us to doubt ourself enough, a few things will happen:
We’ll take up less space, making more room for the ones already running the show.
We’ll try to buy our way out of the problem. All the clothes, heels, weight products, makeup, pills we can find. Consumerism is sold to us as a way out. A way up. Commercialism instills doubt, then tries to sell you something to fix the doubt that they created in you to begin with. I mean if that’s not some sick shit I don’t know what actually is. But naturally, and always, buy what makes you feel good consumerism or not.
The way you fight back against this manufactured doubt is to like the shit out of yourself. Like really really really like yourself for exactly who you are. As you are.
Quit trying to change the things you’re trying to change. Change actually becomes way easier when you accept where you’re at first.
Stop obsessing over other people’s lives. And do what you need to do to shut down the portals that take you there.
Create. You’ll like yourself a whole lot when you can see what you have the power within you to make. So make art, make words, make love, make music, make things that make you feel good.
Get real with someone you love. Face to face. In person. Enjoy the space of human connection. You’ll like yourself there.
Don’t let anyone manufacture doubt and then try to pass it off as yours. It’s not. And you can fight back by looking in the mirror and saying, thinking something positive. You don’t have time for negativity—because you have people to love, things to create, belly laughs to feel, tears of joy to lose, and a big beautiful life to live…one that has no space for that doubt that’s not really yours.