I thought I was over this.
Oh, how I’ve said it. And these days…more than I’d like.
Why does it feel like I’m moving backwards?
Yup, I’ve felt it. And lately…more than I’d hope.
Luckily, loving girlfriends remind me of what I’d remind them. That this is all most definitely part of the process. That it’s not all forward all the time. That it’s preparing me for what’s actually next.
Here’s what’s true…for all of us. You’ll cry about things you thought you were done crying about. You’ll get mad about situations you thought you’d found closure around. You’ll sink into doubt you thought you’d left far behind. You’ll question things you thought you’d worked through already.
You’ll regress. You will.
And wanna know what? That is perfectly f*cking OK.
Because. Because not all steps are made equal. The steps back might feel huge but they’re typically small in actuality. And they’re preparing for the step forward that’s quite actually a leap. Two small steps behind you. So you’re armed with the lesson, the learning, the momentum to leap forward.
I know that’s not what it feels like when you’re in the midst of feeling something you thought you weren’t ever going to feel again. But that’s what’s happening. You’re gathering up the skill to really get it. To really understand where and what forward is.
Forward is coming. A bright, positive, momentous step forward IS coming. But for now, you’re going back to pick up the strength…to gather the awareness…to find the understanding…that you need in order to do that.