Some days… I wonder what this is all for.
Sometimes… I ignore emails because I don’t want to deal.
Every once in while I could care less. About my work. About my goals. About things that I’m insanely passionate about the other 95% of my time.
Here and there I consider giving it all up entirely.
I have moments where I wonder if I’m doing any of this right.
I have thoughts…voices…that tell me “it’s never going to happen.” I still don’t know what the ‘it’ is.
I have mornings I don’t want to get out of bed, convinced I’m wildly behind. So far behind.
I’ll be walking to work wondering if my work matters. At least once a week.
Occasionally, I see myself from someone else’s point of view and am sure they think this is all total BS.
On certain days I wonder if my future self will be proud. Or Disappointed. The rest of those days I know the answer.
This doubt goes through my head…a lot. Some weeks it barely crosses my mind. Other weeks it’s all that’s there. Great things can be happening, and it’s still there. Shitty things can be happening, and it’s definitely there.
The point is, doubt is real. And no amount of proving it to yourself, or proving it to others, or achieving, or external success, or manifesting is going to make the doubt disappear.
We think it will. We think that when we have finally accomplished (fill in the blank), or when we finally have (fill in the blank), or when we’ve finally reached (fill in the blank)…that we’ll be bigger than our doubt. That we’ll finally be the person that we want to be. That the voices will go away.
I’m here to tell you, unfortunately, they will not. Doubt is always going to be there. The mind is always going to be running. And no amount of anything will make it go away. What’s really a bummer about that…is that today, what you’re up to right now, experience of this moment…it will never be enough. But you (and me)– we really, seriously, need to let today be enough.
Doubt becomes less powerful when we’re able to step back into the present moment. When we pay attention to today and find something wonderful, something we can appreciate, doubt doesn’t have as much power. It becomes a thought instead of the truth. And coming back to appreciating today is the only way to keep yourself from being in a permanent state of holding out for tomorrow.
Don’t let your life be a means to an end.