Quit playing this down, will you?
I’m not sure what your relationship to confidence looks like these days, but I’m praying it’s a whole lot of the “Actually, I do” variety. Gone are the days of demure, of shying away from things that you already know about yourself: that you’re f*cking amazing, that you’re entirely killing it, that you deserve everything you have and even more of everything you dream.
Confidence is a tricky thing. I secretly wrote an entire book about it (YOU’RE NOT LOST, at its heart, was a Trojan horse for the whole shebang) because we don’t always know when we’re lacking it. But we know damn sure when we’ve got it.
Confidence isn’t a ubiquitous trait across the varying areas of our life though. For a long time, I was super confident in my ability to go after anything, no matter how new. But I couldn’t find the confidence to wear my hair curly on stage for the life of me. I was confident enough to give up everything I knew to move across the world for a year, but I wasn’t confident enough to call a dude on his shit and find clarity in what we were doing. I’ve been confident enough to invest in new friendships but not enough to invest in things I might be crap at.
That’s OK. Confidence isn’t a blanket you throw over your entire existence. It’s something you forage. A bit here, a bit there. Sometimes you lose some confidence in that one area over there but find it in another over here. If you surround yourself with people who have a confidence that inspires you, you’ll show each other by example how to have and do more of the same.
Note, self worth and confidence shouldn’t be confused. My dear friend Dr. Lauren was the first to teach me the difference. Confidence is believing your skills will have a positive outcome. It’s not self worth, it’s not self love, rather it’s an indicator of understanding your own aptitude.
So when you have it. Flaunt the f*ck out of it. Confidence is contagious.
I love nothing more than surrounding myself with women who know that they’re great. Because they share it. They contribute to the air around them. Confidence isn’t “look at me”… true confidence is “let me give all this to you”. It’s generative.
It pushes forward. It flows. It creates. It bleeds into the areas where you doubt yourself, because we all do. Too, your confidence can and should support amplifying the confidence of people who are penalized for having it, because of their background, their gender, their race, their upbringing, their identity.
I’ll give you my confidence. And you can give someone yours. That’ll ensure a rising tide that lifts all boats, because we ARE the damn tide, together.
Woman on xx
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