Punch. Don’t Roll…When to stop going with the flow

“If you’re not swimming up stream you’re going the wrong way.”

I get it. I dig it. But I’m a teamwork girl. I work with others well. I’m a lover not a fighter so should I really be fighting my way up stream?

That was that. End of contemplation on the little fishy quote written on a blackboard.

Fast forward a few weeks and I’m reading a riveting opinion on a major gender controversy in the Silicon Valley and suddenly I want to be that a little fishy in a strong stream fighting to do everything I can to go the other way. The way I see the light. The way I know to be right, morally. The one that takes balls and voice and sweat and…bravery. For myself and more importantly for someone else.

I’m speaking up. I’m pointing to the other way. Please for the love of g flip a u-ey.

The more you go with the flow, the harder it is to turn around when you realize you’re going the wrong way. The harder it is for those following you, too.

This has looked pretty differently in my life, and likely yours.

  • Pass me up for the much less qualified dude when there wasn’t a single woman in your office? Boys club bullshit. Upset. But maybe he was better? Unlikely, I google stalked his mediocre creds. Roll with it…
  • Overhear them talking about someone I know, love and respect? Stay silent. I shouldn’t have even heard that. Don’t want to be lumped in with her. Don’t want to be nosey. Hold my tongue. Roll with it…
  • Touch my ass at a bar? Tell him it’s not OK. Quietly. With a velvet hammer voice. Don’t physically shove him even if you want to. Don’t make a scene. Roll with it…
  • Watch them tell lies. Become a part of the lies. Maybe this is just optics? Part of the game? Roll with it…
  • Listen to a group make some questionable jokes about The Other. Be that girl? They’ve just had too many drinks. Make an issue of it? Nah. Take an integrity hit. Roll with it…

Rolling so hard. So often. Dizzy. So many punches.

Soon you’re rolling with every punch. You’re amenable. You’re agreeable. You’re a great person to have around.

At a cost. At a major effing cost.

How long are you going to roll with the punches? How long are you going to swim with the stream? Do you even want to go where they’re going?

You might cause a scene. You might make an issue. You might have people talking about you. You may even cause people to dislike you. But you’ll have the right people. And you’ll have your integrity, your voice, and your cause. You’ll be doing it for something or someone.

Quit rolling with the punches.

Quit going with the flow when it breaches that contract you have with your soul.Tweet: Quit going with the flow when it breaches that contract you have with your soul. http://ctt.ec/4hviG+ @maxiemccoy

You’ll know when you’re on the verge of breaking it. That white angel on your shoulder, she’ll throw up a warning when you’re tip toeing the line, in the form of a big ass pit the size of Texas in your belly. Listen to her. She’ll give you the strength to punch back to whatever comes your way.

Stop rolling. Stop flowing. Swim hard. Punch harder. It matters.

Your protectors and what you’re protecting.

Energy. energy. energy. energy. This world. This life. It’s all just energy. Your energy is all you’ve got. It’s powerful. It’s source. It’s wildly unique. And it’s utterly, blissfuly yours.

So is mine. I feel it everywhere I go:

  • Walking around Berlin…. walled. so heavy. woah.
  • Meeting my sweet metaphysical healer… body slammed. this should be fun. open up. Let him see you. Allow yourself to be healed.
  • Feeling the tide rise while I’m standing toes in the sand…clear, pure. purest of pure. All is well.
  • Seeing the sign. The very big obvious sign…so universe. so connected. our shit is so connected.
  • Tough conversation with a major debbie downer… sucked dry. tank empty. agitate me off a cliff will ya?

Good and bad. It’s there…It’s always there. Your energy. Are you noticing it? And more importantly…are you protecting it?

There are moments you’ll have someone fill up that beautiful soul of yours. And there will be moments you’ll have someone take and take and take. If you let them. They’ll drain. They’ll empty. They’ll keep lowering the limbo bar to see how far down you’ll come until you ass plant on the floor.

You can limbo ass plant. Or you can protect. Fiercely, passionately protect that most powerful source you have.Tweet: Fiercely, passionately protect that most powerful source you have. #energy @maxiemccoy http://ctt.ec/eQfa3+

How? Well, trial and error and fairy dust. And no more limbo.

I’m learning. Little tips and tricks to keep my universe tank on hella full.

Mastered: Ditch the suckers, the drainers, the pull you down, lower the bar, lie when you fly, laugh when you fall, disbelievers. And don’t look back. Not once. And don’t believe the even louder one in your head. Not ever.

Learning: Keeping that tongue on the roof of your mouth. Always. Especially around the lingering drainers. It connects the ends of your two major meridian lines to create a complete circuit…waving in the wizards, summoning the fairies, and physically saying I don’t think so to the dark stuff. Negative Nancies and Douchey Dougs? Tongue. on. roof.

Pick what works. The energizers. The protectors. The you can do it mama believers. Tie them to your soul. Summon your security guards. Your talisman, your rosary, your crystals, your heirloom, your malas and your tongue…Point them at your energy. It’s worth protecting.

What bravery looks like (so far)

I don’t remember where I was exactly. Or why it happened. But I can absolutely recall the spirit-tingle of a feeling that said “Be Brave Max”

Be brave with your thoughts. Brave with your words. And even braver with your actions.

To an outsider, the way I’m currently structuring my life may seem pretty brave: on the other side of the world (alone), chasing dreams, moving aside norms and not looking back.

But to me, those big moments almost seem easier than the moments I’m thinking of…the fearless ones. The moments that the brave women I look up to are made of. They may seem so small, but they feel so much bigger to me than even the biggest of my life’s courageous decisions.

What I know in my heart though, is that bravery is cultivated in the big moments. And in the tiny ones. Tweet: Bravery is cultivated in the big moments. And in the tiny ones. @maxiemccoy  http://ctt.ec/x3dig+ #bebrave

Regardless of where you’re at, summoning bravery will help you push forward despite any fear you may feel. And you will feel fear. Plenty of it. But being brave, I’m learning, is doing it anyways.

If you’re feeling the pull to live bigger and braver in your own bundle of tiny moments…Here’s what my “Be Brave” baby steps have looked like over the past few months:

Go higher…

I have not always been the most adventurous type. But I’ve doing and trying things I would have said no to before: surfing. bridge jumping. waterfall diving. Sand Dune sliding. It scares the crap out of me but I’m doing it anyways. Because once I do, I feel a little bit stronger than I did before.

Wear less…

In the past few months I’ve stripped down to my sports bra in a super sweaty workout class. I’ve bought an awesome dress that bares my mid drift. And walked away with a hot pink bikini bottom that covers a whole lot less than it shows. This one isn’t about promiscuity. It’s not about looking classless. It’s about loving my body and when inspiration hits to rock something awesome or to take off a layer…I’m going to do it. And do it without fear. And do it with so much love of this gorgeous body that takes me there.

Opinionate Hard…

Those who know me may laugh at this one. Because I’m opinionated enough already. But I want to be opinionated in the way that I don’t back down from what I feel so strongly about because of what someone else may think. Fight me on gender equality I dare you. Challenge me on spirituality lets see it.  And I will listen to your thoughts and try and put myself in your shoes. But I will not back down on what I know and believe – whether its’ a first date, a potential biz partner, or someone I just met. I’m not saying I’m right…but these beliefs make me me. The way I see the world makes me who I am. And hiding those opinions would be like cloaking my soul.

and tell more…

I have a story to tell. We all have a story to tell. And every time I go to create, I want to make a layer of that story more vulnerable. Whether it’s writing, speaking or taping, I’m learning what it means to open up my journey so that others can learn. And what it means to do it with strength and with enough rootedness that I don’t constantly monitor myself due to what a specific someone would think.

Your moments of bravery probably look very different than mine. Figure out what they are, write them down, and channel your inner warrior.

We all have the opportunity to harness bravery a bit more. When you feel scared, you’re on to something. Go there. Push past. And wrap yourself up in the beautiful blanket that is bravery.

This week I wrote about the lightbulb moment I had about this whole bravery thing for The College Prepster. Read it for a reminder of that fearless soul you have inside of you.

Let go. Find more. And trust while you do.

Let go. Find more. And trust while you do.

Last week I was about 35 feet above a glacial river hanging from the side of a bridge.

“Don’t think about it. You just gotta let go and jump.” easier said than done, B.

I don’t climb over guard rails with the idea of hopping off the bridge. And I surely don’t just let go and plummet into freezing cold water.

Heart racing, stomach in my toes and hands dripped on the edge… Let go or freak. Let go or panic. Let go and enjoy. Let go and experience. Let go.

The choice to let go is happening at every turn. At every decision. During every moment of the day. You don’t have to be on a bridge about to jump off like a middle school kid horsing around during their 1950’s summer to learn a lesson in letting go.

Like my desperate clinging, you probably don’t let go of things in your life for very good reason. You want to control your surroundings. You badly want to control your outcomes. You feel like the harder you push and the stronger you steer, the more you’ll get.

You might get some. But it won’t be more. And it most definitely won’t be more enjoyable.

There is a beautiful experience in surrendering. In detaching. None of which I realized how much I was doing until Mo sent me one of the angel cards she pulled in my reading. “LET GO: As you surrender the need to control, your relaxed energy affects your desires.”

let go

Insert elongated F-Bomb here.

That has been it. That has SO been “it” the past few months for me, down to the very moment I went to jump off this bridge. I have felt pulled towards my desires, and my desires pulled towards me, but in a way of beautiful acceptance. Of knowing what I want and easing into it with grace and steadiness. With borderline zen. I’m working my ass off but with a genuine comfort with what will or will not happen. I’m letting go of everything to make space for so much more.

The ability to let go comes from trust. I (pretty much) knew the river below me would not end in death. I knew it would likely be cold. But I figured the exhilaration of the fall and the sense of accomplishment that followed it would be worth the risk. And the picture of course. I let go. Turns out, that moment still makes me smile with pride of just doing it and it was worth the shin full of bruises I got from hitting the water with my leg bent (rookie).

The things in your life want you, but you have to let go of them first.Tweet: The things in your life want you, but you have to let go of them first. http://ctt.ec/E7Sd8+ @maxiemccoy

Wade through your days with focus, rather than sprinting with obsession. Get out of your own way. Move your mind aside. And free fall. Let go and fall towards what you want. You can have focused energy towards your dreams without being a wound up, overly controlling person while you do.

Star Gazing. And why to drop your jaw.

Star Gazing. And why to drop your jaw.

In college, any one of my best friends would have told you that I’m not an “outdoorsy” one.

I was someone who didn’t care how much she was outdoors. Someone who could totally pass on hiking up a mountain. Someone who’d lay on a beach for the sun, not because of the energy that the ocean was feeding her soul. You’d have to drag me to fish or pull me up a rock.

I could take or leave nature. Stars were stars. Clouds were clouds. Outside was bugs. And weather was a bad hair day.

Sweet universe, how much I never knew I was missing.

But I remember the exact moment this started to shift. I was driving back from the lake with one of my best friends on this planet and at the site of the sky she literally made me grab the wheel because she could not breathe another breath until she took a picture of the cloud above us. It was the most marvelous cloud she had ever seen. Her jaw was in her lap. She was in complete awe of the miracle that was that fluffy puff of condensation.

I just stared at her. Holding the wheel. And thinking to myself how I would have never done that. I wouldn’t have been impressed with the cloud. Or appreciated it enough to make high-speed arrangements to get a picture of it. And my jaw would most certainly have not been in my lap. I was in awe of her awe.

awe

Five years, a shit ton of travel, and more “scooping my jaw off the ground” moments than I can even recount since that moment, I understand how much our constant sense of wonder and awe is integral to our enjoyment of this life. It instills a sense of appreciate for just how specific and special our creation is. How the things we are surrounded by only exist because of an incredible series of miracles. It’s impossible not to feel connected to everything that is so much bigger than us. Something eternal. Something expansive. Something great.

A sense of awe will level set your soul and reccaliberate your perspective.Tweet: A sense of awe will level set your soul and reccaliberate your perspective. http://ctt.ec/OaemF+ @maxiemccoy

I’ve spent the past few weeks in one of the most jaw-dropping places I have ever seen or ever expect to see in my lifetime. New Zealand was truly a gift to my soul. At every turn I wanted to throw my arms up in the air and praise the Universe for giving me the opportunity to experience such beauty. I tapped into something so much more adventurous, connected, and grateful. The mountains were bigger, the grass greener, the water crystal and my awe deeper. And while New Zealand was an incredibly special jaw-dropping experience, it reminded me that these moments are all around us no matter where we live. I was seeing the same gigantic full moon in Wanaka that my girls were Instagraming in San Francisco.

Start paying attention to it. To all of it. To the tiny, natural gifts around. You’ll feel joy. You’ll be touched with emotion. You’ll tap into your spirit.  All by allowing your jaw to fall to the floor. So if you’re missing nature, go. If you’re not a nature person, become one. Lay under the stars. Sit under sunsets. Twirl in the mountains. Take a walk. Breathe in fresh air. And renew your sense of awe.

You’re as creative as Queen Bey.

You’re as creative as Queen Bey.

Creativity is just for the creative ones. The artists. The painters. The dancers. The architects. The technologists. Right? Creativity is the driving talent of Beyonce, Julia Roberts, Joan Didion, Sara Blakely and Tory Burch. They are the creative ones. Not you. Not me.

If you had asked me just a few years ago if I was creative, I would have said “No, but you should meet my sister. THAT is creativity.”  I’d quickly decline the attribute of creativity because I always connected it with artistic talent of some sort. None of which I felt I possessed.

If you had asked me a few months ago if I was creative, I would have said, “Writing is my version of creativity. So yes, I suppose I am somewhat creative. But it’s nonfiction so not all that creative really.” Partially accepting but overly resistant of the word.

All of that changed a few weeks ago  when I walked into a Rudraksha Mala workshop in Bali (more on that later) and was forcefully drawn to one particular necklace that was made up of vividly colored gem stones. This mala was meant to unleash your creativity.

Funny, I thought to myself. I have been on the other side of the world to do more creative work. That’s probably why it was calling to me. My writing juices have been flowing, but I guess it couldn’t hurt.

I wouldn’t realize until a few weeks after wearing my creative mala what it was all really about:

Let’s break the word down…Creativity. Creative. Create.

Creation isn’t always about art. Creativity doesn’t mean being the most gifted or talented. Creative simply means the ability to create. Create means to bring something into existence. You’re give that option every second of every day.

Which is exactly why YOU are just as creative as the most creative person you can think of.Tweet: YOU are just as creative as the most creative person you can think of. http://ctt.ec/_EtcW+ @maxiemccoy

You are given each day, each hour, each moment the ability to create in your life. You can create possibility. You can create optimism. You can bring more into existence: more love. more laughter. more options. more adventure. more honest communication. more open doors.

Creativity

Embracing your creativity puts you in the driver’s seat of your life. It allows you to make of this life absolutely whatever you want it to be…because after all, you’re the one creating it (co-creating if you count the universe holding your hand while you do.)

When you choose to deflect your own creativity, you give your choice away. You give up control over your happiness and over the way you want to be living. You hand over responsibility for your joy. Which is why you must practice being creative each and every day.

Start making your masterpiece. You’re more creative than you think.

What are you distracting yourself from?

What are you distracting yourself from?

Sometimes when I’m on my phone or computer, my hands move mindlessly from one tab to another. One app to another. One social feed to another. My thumb scrolls on the screens that aren’t mean to be scrolled. I’m on auto-pilot.

I never really noticed it – the mindless autopilot. The constant distraction. I didn’t realize it until I was in this powerfully beautiful place that literally forced me to pay attention to its magic.

Last week my phone would died out of no where and I was forced to watch the sunset without taking a single picture. And wouldn’t you know that it ended up being the most beautiful sunset I’ve ever seen. Ever. One that caused a rainbow on the other side of the sky. I was so in awe, that I cried sitting on my beanbag in the sand. Tears of awe. Of gratitude.

I can guarantee you that I would have missed that moment if my phone had been on. If I’d been watching the sunset through the view of my iPhone camera. Don’t get me wrong, as it was happening I was a bit attached to the feeling of resentment that I couldn’t capture the sunset-rainbow combo like everyone around me.

But I was being taught a bigger lesson. And for that I’m grateful.

Reconnect with soul (1)

I’m not going to preach to you about putting down your phone. I’m just as in need of it as you are. But what I will ask is what is it exactly that you’re distracting yourself from?

From yourself? 

From your true feelings?

From your worries?

From your hurt?

From being too happy?

From your fears?

From others?

The autopilot digital consumption distracts us from all of it. As much as you’re distracted from the bad, you’re equally as distracted from the good.

Don’t miss the good because you want to check Instagram one last time.

Don’t miss the beauty. Don’t miss the moment. Right now is all you have. Tweet: Don't miss the beauty. Don't miss the moment. Right now is all you have. http://bit.ly/1BeeRvz @maxiemccoy

How many now’s are you spending immersed in a world of distraction?

You need, we all need, a training in staying still with what comes up. You feel something is off, and you go to your escape. You pick up our phone. You text someone. You chat a friend. You double tap a photo. You do anything to forget that feeling you labeled as bad. You escaped it.

Every time you abort the mission of your feelings and thoughts, you become even more fixed with their meaning. They don’t have meaning. It’s why you should and can sit in them. Let it wash over you. If every time a wave came you retreated back to shore, you’d literally never learn to get out to sea.

Your life is no different. Figure out what you’re distracting yourself from and become more aware every time you attempt to escape. This moment needs you. The one right now.


 

If you’re going to distract yourself, make sure it’s aligned with who you want to be. Declutter your digital life to make space for the good stuff. Read how on my post for The College Prepster.

Why you should get a little bored

Why you should get a little bored

There’s been more than one afternoon that I’ve laid on my little floor pouf and just stared at the ceiling. My phone was charging in the other room. Music wasn’t playing. Nobody was around. There wasn’t anything I felt like doing, really. There’s been more than one evening that I’ve walked the beach so lost in nature that I didn’t realize waves were soaking the bottom of my bright pink, floral kimono.

It was just me. My thoughts. My moment. Staring… Lost in not a single thought at all. I couldn’t have possibly told you what time it was. Or what I was thinking about. And I didn’t care.

In another life, I would have said I was bored. Anyone looking on would have probably said that too. Maybe I was. But the stillness was so soothing. It was freedom. I can’t tell you the last time I gave myself enough space to just be.

When was the last time you let yourself be bored?  To sit. Wander. Get lost. Forget time. Breathe.

Reconnect with soul

Let me tell you what happens when you do. You reconnect to that little girl who wants a voice. You finally hear the intuition that is screaming to be heard. You give yourself a reboot.

You have so much information being thrown at you in any given day. You’re bombarded with images and messages on your phone. You’re being demanded by the needs of your loved ones so much so that you forget your own.

But there’s a great purpose that is asking to be heard. There’s a bigger love that wants to be felt. Your great connection is like an old radio, you can choose to tune into the messages that are there embedded in the electromagnetic radiation. Or you can keep being just an old box that sits there.  A box with so much potential and capability to broadcast beautiful songs, tunes and messages…potential that could be realized if you’d just learn how to tune in and turn it on.

Tune in. Tune in. Tune in. And turn in up, loud. The world wants to dance to your music and rejoice in your song.Tweet: Tune in. Tune in. And turn in up, loud. The world wants to dance to your music and rejoice in your song. http://bit.ly/1zdWdyc @maxiemccoy

It requires work. And stillness. And discovery. But all of those things can happen when you give yourself the space from other people’s crap. The distance from distraction. The gift of time with your thoughts, knowledge and awareness.

Give yourself that today. Give yourself a little bit of that every day. Watch what happens when you reconnect with the messages of the Universe. They’re there, deep in your heart and in your intuition. Teach yourself how to listen (hint: it’s not with your ears). Train your heart to connect to your soul. Let a little boredom teach you how.


 

For more on the art of losing yourself, read my post on The College Prepster.

Do you believe in magic?

Do you believe in magic?

Everyone told me this place would be different.

There’s just something about it… You’ll feel it almost immediately…It’s different….You’ll be drawn to its magic. You’ll always be pulled back to that place. You’ll never want to leave.

Magic. It’s the word that just kept coming up about Bali. It’s what led me here. It’s what has kept me here. But I couldn’t figure out just what that magic was. I could sense it. But I didn’t know why. For over 6 weeks I casually pondered why I felt what I felt here.

Is it because they’re all so rooted in their Hindu beliefs? Is it because this place has strong connections to cultures they never contacted like the Mayans? Is it because of the healers here?

The answer might be a yes to all of it. But it wasn’t until this past week that I figured out what the magic of this place was. And how you actually don’t need to be here to access it.

Over the past weeks I’ve gotten really still in my spirit and in my soul. Most distractions are gone. And there’s nothing to do besides face my own fears of the future and my own happenings of the past. Or do neither and learn how to do the exact present. As it was happening I was so uncomfortable. Daily questioning what I was doing. Why I was doing this. After all, I was the one catalyzing the experience of my own discomfort.

And then something weird started. I’d focus my thoughts…and they would happen.

Maxie_Do_You_Believe_in_Magic

Looking back, it all began on the day I walked into my new villa and saw the lyrics of a random Abba song my brother-in-law had just played me before leaving for Bali. We had an entire discussion about this specific song. And Giants letters in my backyard were there to greet me a week later. Like what are the chances?

I’d be angry and the next day I had a fever. Weird manifestation of fire.

I’d catch myself mulling over past memories that didn’t serve me, and I’d have a dream about him. Why. 

I’d sit thinking about how I needed someone to help me get out of past thought patterns, and I’m serendipitously walking into the office of a metaphysical therapist. No way did that just happen. Not the plan.

My surfing coach would tell me about his favorite massage lady and the next week she’s the one who enters the spa to take care of me. The one I randomly stopped at. Like for real? I didn’t even know where you worked.

I’d say out loud that I really needed someone with specific expertise to guide me in some of my future endeavors, and I had a text offering the potential of just that from someone I had never even thought of. Halleluja.

It was tripping me up. The Universe was serving me up my thoughts at lightening fast speed. It scared me and impressed me all in the same moment.

And it took weeks of this happening before I even realized what was going on. But upon the realization, that’s when it hit me: the magic of this place is the speed at which you manifest.

The reason it happens and the reason the magic exists is because everyone here believes in the power of their thoughts. It’s collective intelligence. That’s what the magic is.

When everyone believes in the power of our energy, our energy has more power.Tweet: When everyone believes in the power of our energy, our energy has more power. http://ctt.ec/eFNdg+ @maxiemccoy

I’ll give you the metaphor my metaphysical healer gave me: when a crossword puzzle first comes out, it’s impossible. But as more and more people have completed it, the speed at which people complete the puzzle is so much faster than it was in the beginning. Whether we acknowledge it or not, we access the energy of the thoughts around us and before us.

When everyone in a single concentrated places believes in magic, in “Universe” things happening which may seem illogical. Or when everyone believes in the power of our thoughts. Or in the strong reality of our energy. It happens quicker, faster and more obviously.

Magic isn’t illusive. It’s real. It’s accessible through the power of our energy and our thoughts. The more we all believe the magic, the more it will go to work for us…for beautiful, soulful, sometimes surprising experiences.

Believe in your power. It’s in you. It’s in all of us. You have to embrace that because everyone deserve a little magic.

Because you’re alive

Because you’re alive

You were born into this world kickin’ and screaming. And the Universe loved the shit out of you.

From that moment, because of that moment, love is your divine right. It’s not something cordoned off for the special ones, the beautiful ones, the funny ones, the skinny ones, the smart ones.

Love is a right for all the ones. Crazy, cranky, fabulous, the mistaken and lost. Love, no matter how you twist her, is yours.

You’re love. You deserve love. Simply because you exist.Tweet: You’re love. You deserve love. Simply because you exist. #happyVDAY http://ctt.ec/Gw8hj+ @maxiemccoy

So if your parents sucked at showing you that, I’m sorry. But you’re still loved.

If that ass hole broke your insides and gave you everything but love, my heart hears you. But the Universe never stopped loving you.

When friends treat you like shit. A boss demeans you. A driver cuts you off.  Coffee spills on your white blouse. Your temper roars. You tell a lie. You do the breaking. I ache for you. I get it. But none of that (NONE) changes how much you are loved from something so much bigger, stronger, wider, deeper and eternal.

XOXO

The one original energy. The one pure light. The one perfect source. It’s yours. It’s always been yours. And it’s love.

It’s unconditional. It didn’t have a beginning and it doesn’t have an end. It’s cosmic. It’s beyond you. And it’s love.

Fuck the haters. And the fear. And the rough patches. And the heartache. Regardless of any of it, you? You’re all love. You’re completely loved. And that sweet valentine is all you need today and every day.


Want to be the very best Valentine this holiday? Check out my post on the College Prepster and get ready to valentine the shit out of yourself! 

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